My Tired Self

Oh, have I gotten sloppy over the summer. I had suspicions all along, but they have only been confirmed over the last few days as I've been up nights working until 12am or 1. This is the start of our fiscal year at work, and the planning work is taking up so much more time than expected-- it feels like I'm back in class, but class hasn't even begun! Maybe this is my "on deck" moment for class, getting me sufficiently tired and conditioned for the months of solitary late-night endeavor that surely lie ahead. Regardless, I can tell it's time to start brewing a second pot of coffee each morning!

Dreams

Remember those childhood dreams about school? The ones where you imagine yourself coming to school on the morning of finals and not being able to remember your locker combination? For me, these dreams (which still happen about twice a year for me) have always involved skipping an entire semester's worth of classes (something I never would have done) and then showing up scared to death on the day of finals.

It must be a sign that MBA season is about to begin again, because I'm having a whole new set of classroom-panic dreams, this time involving my MBA classes. It started almost a week ago, and I've had three of them so far, all equally detailed and terrifying. Last night's dream involved an open-book exam for a class (I think it was Strategy or Marketing) that involved a childhood book about Clifford the Dog. No I am not making this up-- you needed a copy of Clifford the Dog to take one section of the exam. I had brought all of my traditional materials with me to class- the textbook, my notes, and all handouts. But apparently I missed the part on the syllabus where I needed to also read a copy of Clifford. The dream ended with me scurrying around the classroom trying to bum a copy from one of my classmates; none of them could help me.

Clearly I'm not getting enough sleep. Either that, or I need to start reading something else to my kids.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Has it really been almost two months since I posted to this blog? Isn't that how most blogs go? ("omigod has that much time really passed?")

In fact it has been a whirlwind summer, most of it spent blissfully unaware of things like weighted average cost of capital, the "four P's", and balance sheets. We just returned from a weeklong trip with the kids to Wisconsin and Illinois, and we've had fun events, kids camps, sleepovers, movie nights, and all the other fun things that make a summer a summer.

At the same time, as I think I hinted at in my last post, I have really been missing the rigor, intellectual engagement, and quite honestly the sheer insanity of being in school while also juggling (or at least trying to) all these other aspects of my life. So sitting here at my computer, perched on the edge of summer, I can also say I am ready and eager to resume the madness. Does that make me somehow mad myself? Very likely so.

One of my most vivid memories of last year was at the September 2007 residency, at an executive center just outside Minneapolis, where we all had gathered after two weeks in class to really dig in. We were still getting to know each other then, and I remember looking upon the second year students with a kind of awe and reverence. They were learned. They were experienced. They had survived. What would it feel like to be in their shoes? I wondered.

Well, now I am in their shoes. Somewhere out there are 60-75 nervous adults like me, all with at least seven years' work experience, getting ready to head into a classroom environment that scares the hell out of them, even if they are already experienced and even if they already have their PhD. Because no matter how old or experienced you are, no matter how many times you've rounded the ol' academic bend, walking into a new program still makes you a little sick to your stomach.

In just under four weeks' time, we (the now-proud second years) will greet these scared newbies, and they will wonder what it feels like to be in our shoes. I can tell you it feels nice to know (or at least to believe) that the worst of it is behind us, that second year won't be as difficult as the first. And I can say at least it feels good to know something about what the bone-crushing rhythm of it all will be like-- if you know the process will crush your bones, at least you can put on shoulder pads, right?

All in all, I am very excited to see my classmates (indeed, my friends) again, to pick up the books and fire up the financial calculator, to gather at obscene hours in the morning every other Friday and Saturday, eat little sandwiches and drink Coke Zero, and be pushed beyond my limits.

Because, truth be told, that's really the only place it's any fun to hang out anyway.

Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Insane

Here I am, almost two months into our 4-month hiatus from MBA class, and clearly I'm starting to come off the rails. How do I know this? Let me share just two examples.

First, I've been reading (and thoroughly enjoying) Alan Greenspan's book, The Age of Turbulence. Who knew economic history could be so eminently readable? So two of the people Greenspan respects most (as he describes in the book) are John Maynard Keynes and Adam Smith. As I'm wrapping up Greenspan's book, I ordered both The General Theory of Employment Interest and Money and The Wealth of Nations and have those lined up to read next. The Wealth of Nations (all 1,200 pages) as light summer reading? That's just crazy.

Second, I caught myself feeling something akin to "missing school" earlier this week. The feeling caught me by surprise: why in the world would anyone in their right mind miss something as demanding and crazy as MBA class? I realized that my overall productivity (in life) was so much higher when I was running on the caffeine-and-stress-infused pressure of class, and that's what I had started to miss. On an average day lately, I can get my work done and also fit in some pleasure reading, but it's nowhere as productive as I experienced at the peak of the MBA madness earlier in the year. While I'm not yet ready to return to class, I will say that I do miss the intensity and the overall beneficial effects it had on other areas of my life.

So there you have it, I'm spending my summer in a questionable mental state. How's things with you?

Oh, So THAT'S What Personal Reading Is Like

With all my free time in the evenings this summer, I've begun reading a stack of books-- books I picked because they looked interesting. Many have been sitting on shelves for months while I toiled away at classwork-- being able to dive into them now on my own time seems like a gift.

I'm reading Alan Greenspan's book, The Age of Turbulence, and really enjoying it. Mostly, I'm amazed at my ability to devour whole chapters without my mind wandering-- normally I find it difficult to remain focused on reading no matter the subject. After digesting two Accounting textbooks and one Statistics textbook, maybe Greenspan seems like a sweet dessert, though I do also have to wonder about my sanity when I find books on economics and finance to be this compelling (clearly, my MBA work has already altered my consciousness).

The Little Things

Now that I'm getting more and more distance between myself and school, certain things are starting to re-emerge. Things I'd forgotten, that were nonetheless really important. Things, for example, like having evenings free. I mean, free to do with them whatever you want: sure, you can keep working if that's what you want to do, but if you don't want to keep working, you can do whatever you like. I just didn't have that option during the last two semesters, and I'm only now realizing how much not having the option affected me.

I've been sitting on a complimentary one-month XBOX Live subscription for almost six months-- I finally activated it last night and it was great to be polishing my gaming skills against others playing my favorite game, Burnout Revenge. In school, I just didn't have the option of doing something like that. All I could see was an endless, barren field of homework assignments, tests, and wireless clickers (you know what I mean, classmates).

Of course, that's what programs like this are all about: putting much of your life on hold for a concentrated period of time so you can work like a rabid ferret in the pursuit of a lofty goal. Then, if you don't go ballistic and hurt someone, and as long as you keep your grades up, they give you your degree and you can re-enter decent society. I'm getting a glimpse of that now, and boy it sure feels nice. In fact, I think I'll crack open a bottle of wine with dinner tonight and not give a second thought to the prospect of getting overly sleepy.

Coming Back to Life

Well, I survived both of my finals on Friday. Eight hours of much harder work than I expected, but at the same time, all of us were pretty much ready to be done with the semester so we all had an attitude of "bring it on, whatever happens will happen." There was a great feeling of relief as we all staggered from the classroom and across the road to the Corner Bar for a celebratory drink-- it occurred to me that I hadn't felt this feeling since college way back in 1991. There is something to be said about conquering your classes and living to tell the tale.

So, now it's Sunday night. We've had a busy weekend so I'm only now getting time to unwind and let the enormity of being done really sink in. I went to see a chiropractor on Saturday who said the tension in my neck was similar to that of a person who'd been in a car accident-- chalk that up to my first year of graduate studies!

It is strange, not having books to crack open, problems to work, or case studies to dissect. And it will be odd this coming Tuesday night, when our team won't be having its weekly team call at 8pm. My wife was complaining that I'd dropped out of the family in recent weeks-- tonight she just commented that it seemed like I was unemployed and just sitting around. It's going to take awhile to re-adjust to not having class, homework, and pressure coming from school, and only now am I really understanding the toll all the work has taken on me. As they say in the program literature, this year truly was "harder than I think, but easier than I fear."

Most importantly, the box of books I ordered from Amazon has arrived-- my summer reading list! When was the last time I actually had the ability to read for pleasure? What does that even really mean, anyway? I'm going to find out! I figure I've honed my brain into a super reading and knowledge-absorbing machine, so why not make use of it? It's just going to be so nice not having to read anything related to finance, statistics, strategy, accounting, or operations for the next four months.

I'm sure I'll continue updating this blog during the summer, but likely on a less frequent basis. For now, it's time to go to bed before midnight-- for a change!